遥远的重逢

2025/04/23周三
今天早八下课就去所里，太困了！在浴室外面趴着睡了一个多小时才去洗澡，回来做实验差不多2点了，拾到拾到，2点半开始小鼠心脏灌注，总体效果还可以，用了两管30mL的PBS和一管30mL福尔马林才差不多把血冲干。反思：
1. 用5根棉签蘸异氟烷麻醉小鼠可能有点过量？小鼠很快就晕过去，剪开胸腔心脏基本停跳了。
2. 扎针的时候还是有点慌张，扎到肺循环里了，所以PBS用多了。
3. 剪刀扎脑壳，总是不能均匀裂成两半，需要再琢磨练习。
4. 记住三通阀门和两根30毫升针管每次关于RNA的都要更换！
5. 关于RNA的，绝对不能常温！能放-80就放-80，不能的就放4度冰箱！因此用福尔马林固定两小时和沉糖都要放到4度冰箱里。

我就是记性不好，听别人讲话很容易左进右出，因此注意力集中听清楚，然后马上做笔记！把所有要注意的地方用笔记录下来，师姐让我做成电子版，我打算在我走之前写好protocol，算是做坏这么多实验的经验教训和补偿吧……

我做实验应该慢点，不要图快，更不要对别人的催促有什么不好意思，ta说ta的，我慢我的，事实证明我就是要慢才能做好。

另外作息很重要，早上六点半，晚上11点半，规定要记在心里，像高三一样。

说下男朋友，唉，一言难尽，为什么他情绪不好就想独自待着，但我情绪不好光想找他亲亲抱抱……谈了恋爱还是时常羡慕教室里的小情侣贴的那么近那么近。

遥远的重逢

人生没有plan B，坚守人生主线，否则可能陷入犹犹豫豫、碌碌无为的境地

雨夜星辰

写的很好，期待下一篇

遥远的重逢

转载一个知乎的回答，形容今天和男票的谈话：

问题：灵魂契合的伴侣究竟要默契到哪种程度才算是呢？

Tina：对我，与其说soulmate，soulmate time更多些。有这样的经历:和一个人聊着，慢慢很进入状态，觉得我就是他他就是我，有种让人惊喜和澎湃的共鸣感，不禁想再多说点，再多点，不管是内容还是时间。或者话不多，只有偶尔的几句话。但在那样的场合，就有种说不出比不上的默契，感觉那一刻，我懂他，他也懂我。不许多说，连空气都是凝着的，丰盈的。但是并不会太长。一炷香过后，我还是我，他还是他。时间氛围话题，想象力再加上一定的距离，都会偶尔创造出soulmate time。但是真正了解的多了，或者一时的氛围被破坏了，你们又回归到正常人的相处或聊天模式，成为朋友好友路人或爱人～只不过soulmate time让彼此的相处多了些默契和亲近。毕竟人敞开心扉太难，一直敞开心扉太累，soulmate time只是两颗敞开的心的互相感知和拥慰，只看缘分，不能强求。

作者：Tina
链接：https://www.zhihu.com/question/26846419/answer/46636710
来源：知乎
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。

每次和他的清醒对话，都将我们的思维和情感抽丝剥茧，留下最后一片谁都不言说的深情，算是默契。没有激烈的吵闹，没有指责和情绪发泄，只是理智的较量。这种对话曾多次挽救我们看上去岌岌可危的感情纽带，今天晚上也是。其实客观上，谁都无法对对方明天的一切负责，谁都明白这个道理，所以谁都不挑明，暧昧和深情在空气中流淌，或许像他说的，未来如何已经不再重要……

遥远的重逢

4月29日 周三
最近太忙了，除了考试、作业、实验，还有剧烈的思想变动和观念改革，五一假期期间可能会出两篇文章放在新楼里。不得不感叹B站还是有高人，社会学和心理学，视频质量太高了，以至于绝大部分人都听不懂而在评论区下面自说自话。

遥远的重逢

2025.5.1 周四
周一的Listening & Presentation，我在唱票时发挥的很好，自然且大方自信，结束时鞠躬，大家不自觉地阵阵掌声。生物信息又上到11点……课上一旦电脑出问题就什么都干不成，应该想个办法。记得做作业！！三次作业！
周二晚上通宵学生物化学，因为周三早八要考试。我尝试用一种非逼迫的方式……凌晨夜游校园，打开霉霉的歌、1R的歌、梦龙的shots，心情无比舒畅，然后复习生化，没有时间紧迫的烦恼，没有对成绩的担忧，反而能学进去了。这几天由于晚上睡觉时间太少而白天太累，中间补觉很多，1个小时、半个小时、15分钟我都能睡着，还次次做梦。
周三呢，考完试太困了，想着睡一个小时到12点，下午就去脑所，结果困到离谱，直接睡到晚上6点，醒来腿脚酸疼。晚上突发奇想，想熬夜骑行到天安门广场绕圈，看升旗、看车流和人来人往，幸好被男朋友劝住，他说的对，“你现在睡，早上4点起来去，边看日出遍感觉周围的人类陆续醒来，感觉早起仿佛把世界掌握在手中，这种才好。”不被逼迫的时间自由不是靠那种无节制的方式换来的，享受时间，早起比熬夜好。

遥远的重逢

2025.5.2
初恋往往无疾而终，不是因为两人做错了什么，而是因为彼此都成长了，成为了和在一起时完全不一样的人。你会更加清楚地意识到，什么对你是重要的、你要什么样的伴侣，同时对方也会这样想。而当你们和对方已经完全不匹配的时候，爱就会变弱甚至消失。初恋是建立在设想世界中的，出门打扮，约会几个消失，就谈论爱与不爱的问题【注：男朋友屡次提醒我不要只谈论爱与不爱的问题，情话显得苍白无力，太有先见，我现在深以为然】，说一些山盟海誓，不需要经历任何生活的考验与选择。
女孩有公主梦，男孩也有书生梦，梦见白富美放着高富帅不要就死心塌地跟着一穷二白的自己。甚至自己对待感情是不成熟的。
年轻的时候我们最宝贵的财富是希望，是希望支撑着我们，万一三十岁之后就发迹了呢？至于如何发迹的，却从来都没有好好想过。
更常见的是见异思迁。在成长的过程里我们会面临很多选择，就业还是读研、回老家还是留在大城市，ta说不想结婚现在不想要孩子怎么办。决定我们最终选择的是背后的家庭、价值观、性格，恋人只是其中的一个因素，但是我们有时候会错误地认为，恋人应该占全部的因素。见异思迁不一定是因为对方有多好看，如果一个普通人真的觉得在人生这条道路上，对方和他要走的大方向比较一致，不需要他去迁就或者改变，会让他感觉轻松一些。你可以说是爱本身就不够，也可以说是他怂了。因为当初两个人在一起校园恋情的时候，他压根未来要面对这么多这么沉重的选择，他当初也觉得自己是真的爱你，但是现在他想要寻找那个和他更匹配的人了。
带着求同存异的心态，能把初恋的故事谱写多长就多长。

邓紫棋的《老人与海》：如果枯萎是那花儿的未来，你还会不会灌溉？若向日葵不愿把脸转过来，你还会不会留下来？岸一直把浪推开，海浪却一次次回来。桑田沧海，爱是依旧无改，任你留下来还是离开……

遥远的重逢

2025.5.11 周日
大英赛我没有去考，没办法面对自己，英语能力退化的事实。从现在开始我会面对。
不要轻易下决心，否则决心也会成很廉价的东西。
无志之人常立志，有志之人立常志。
坚定不移

遥远的重逢

2025.5.12 Monday
Now I'm trying to writing my diaries in English. Edit the texts and take some notes when necessary.

I'm going to make an appointment with Mr. He this Thirsday to ask about the future plan on study. To tell hte truth, I'm extemely confused about both study and life since the second year of the university. Unlike in high school, I have no direction. I don't realize what goals mean and seem to fall into nihilism.

On the one hand, I make great effort to pursue GPA and meet all kinds of standards of college students. On the other, I stuck in my thoughts: What's the really important thing in my life? Why should I live a life designed by society? How does social narrative influence me? Should I really follow the crowd？In this dazzling and fancy world, I wanna find a few things to anchor my soul.

kiitten

'Anchor' the soul is a big word, which is quite appropriate to describe your situation. It looks like that you are seeing your current life being lived as of designed by the society, from that view, you might jsut need to stop whatever you are pursuing. I am not saying you have to stop your career/academic journey, but do take some time out alone and travelling a bit, then start thinking about what yourself really want. I can tell that your anxiety mainly comes from your relationship, which either needs some fixes or complete disassociate. But it appears you are really deep in it as well, which makes it hard, I would say that you really need to ask yourself this question, that do you acutally love him or not, or which parts of his matter the most to you, because this relationship burns your energy slowly, and eventually might ruin some part of your favourite in your life if it lasts in a way like this and you don't end it.

遥远的重逢

@kiitten It is so kind and thoughtful of you to analyze my problems and give sincere advice! I sincerely appreciate it. I’ve been quite busy lately, but as you suggested, I took some time alone and carefully combed through the tangled thoughts in my mind. It felt like I reconnected with my heart and gained a sense of firmness. Recently, I realized that what I had experienced is called "空心病", which seems to be a common phenomenon among people.
As for the relationship, both my boyfriend and I are in our first romantic relationship, and it has lasted for nearly one year with dramatic ups and downs. What feels strange to me is how rational we both are—we rarely lose our temper in any conflict. It's as if we never break down after a heart-to-heart talk. Lately, I've started to distance myself from it, spending more time alone without thinking about him. While emotions still surface sometimes, they have become much rarer now. I hope to overcome this through self-moderation.

遥远的重逢

2025.6.4
It has been a long time since I finished the last diary. Last two weeks, I have experienced the most busy time, because of exams. I found myself reluctant to study and finish schoolwork. I lost my patience and passion to persue further study. Just like a young-aged child. Why?

For a long time, studying in school is a "right" thing for me that I can never turn over, because I AM a good student and I have to play the role. AND, I surely know the outcome and punishment from the life and elder generations if I don't do well. It is just like "Politically Correct". I'm totally numb like a robot.

However, I feel happy for myself to refind this natural feelling. I am happy to be a child again, which is precious.

polished by AI: It's been so long since I last wrote in this diary. The past two weeks have been the busiest time for me due to final exams. Surprisingly, I found myself struggling with motivation - reluctant to study, procrastinating on assignments, and losing the patience needed for academic work. My usual passion for learning seemed to disappear completely, leaving me feeling as undisciplined as a young child. Why does this happen? What caused this sudden loss of drive?

遥远的重逢

2025.6.14
I feel a sense of belonging
when sitting in front of my desk in the dorm
thus I can find a long-awaited peace

I feel a sense of enjoyment
when studying alongside him in a raining day
thus I can focus on the present moment

When going outside
my heart goes out too
Flooding emotions and thoughts overwelme me
That makes me drift through life

遥远的重逢

2025.6.16
2005.6.16 —— 2025.6.16
Happy birthday to my dearest love! We are going to eat out today. So sweet of you to set aside one day and accompany me.
I'd like to write in English because not so many people can read this and it could be safer and freer(?).
I'm a bit tired and unsettled these days. I gonna have 4 exams this week.
Well, I prefer some emotional topics. I gradually find he is like me in some ways like inner thoughts and behaviors, thus I got heartbreak and feel sorry for him. I wish him to be stronger and happier in the future, like I saw before. We should not be so weak emotionally but strictly demand ourselves. It always finds way.

kiitten

@遥远的重逢 I would prefer your own paragraphs instead of the AI one, they normally over emphasize things and over use fancy words.

kiitten

@遥远的重逢 Good to see you back on track, taking time to think about what you want, and I can tell you know what you're doing. To be honest, I have the empty heart sickness too, ngl I had it since early secondary, then I just tried my best to live, I don't really do things I feel passionate about, but I do things that is politically correct. If in most people's view one thing is right to do then I would do it, then keep some of my insights to myself and let it go away after some time.

I am glad you're on track with your bf, you are both young and free, a lot of things going on for both of your lives, nobody is perfect, so is he. Everybody has the right to be fragile.